I love you, but…..

You love your girl, but she is slowly starting to smother you. How do you tell her that you want to spend the weekend with your buddies without hurting her feeling and what do you do when you are out with them? If she keeps calling while you are out, how do you handle it?

Author: MIH

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  1. I just want to give you a girl perspective on this subject. I went through this with my fiance after we had been together for about a year. We got into many fights because he thought I was trying to control him and I thought he wasn’t being considerate of my thoughts and feelings. First of all most problems come from trust issues. And they might not even be issues with her trusting you. It could be your friends that she is not ok with, which was my situation. You need to show her that your friends aren’t bad people. On the other side of that if all your friends are single and when you go out all they want to do is pick up girls and such(which is what every girl thinks any guy is doing when they go out btw) then I personally believe that it should not be her that is rethinking you going out with them. But if they are really good friends that just wants to go out and have some drinks and hang out then you need to sit down and explain that to her. The only way to build up that trust is to show her that she has nothing to worry about. As far as her smothering you trust me I have been there except I was the one doing the smothering… It is all about how you go about it. Just speaking for myself here but what I looked for when he went out was for him to let me know what the plans where, which I do not see anything wrong with since you would most likely want the same thing in return and you love her. Also I would like to know how late he was staying out. That was a big problem with us is he would say “oh I am going to be back around 1am” and then at 1:30 I would call to see what was going on and why he wasn’t home and he would get mad because again he thought that was trying to control him. You have to be ok with having that open line of communication. As far as her calling you all night you need to address that at home long before you actually plan to go out. And by long before I mean like days. Just let her know that you are going to be with the guys and you might not have your phone on you and you might just be chilling out and not really want to be rude to your friends by being on the phone with her all night while you are out. But again there is another side to that. If you want her to be totally ok with it and to not be calling you or being mad at you for weeks after (or to be brought up in later fights) you should offer to text her every once in awhile. If you do this especially the first few times she will get to the point that if she doesn’t hear form you for 4 hours it will be ok. For me when he goes out it is all about communication. If he is telling me he is doing one thing and going to be back home at a certain time I will hold him to it unless he lets me know plans changed. And I know (for my fiance at least) at first it may seem like an inconvenience to have to “check in” but it shouldn’t be looked at in that way. You should think about it in the way of her being somebody that you do love and that you want to make happy and comfortable in the relationship at all times. And if you look at it that way sending a few text every hour or so doesn’t seem that bad. But the most important thing I can tell you is do not talk down to her. EVERY girl out there hates being talked down to. so instead of going about it in the way that you are just telling her what she is doing that is annoying you go about it by making her feel comfortable not feeling bad. Also us girls do not like it when a guy just tells us what we are doing wrong and expects us to just change. For me it ALWAYS works when he goes about it by telling me how me feels about certain things and then goes the extra step to come up with a solution. Like the calling thing you can just be like “babe you know I love you and love talking to you, but when I am out with the guys I kinda feel like a jerk if I am on the phone a lot. So I am thinking that maybe we will go to x place and stay out until x time and I will text you every once in awhile so you know whats going on and you feel comfortable about everything. What do you think about that?” Maybe not in those word but I think you get the just. You have to make it a back and for not just you telling her what she needs to change because she will not respond well to that at all. Sorry this was so long but I wanted to help as much as I could. I really hope that some and/or all of this will help you in some way. I would love to hear back how things went. Good luck and just remember both of you are lucky to have another person that really loves you. Don’t ever take that for granite.

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